Adrift

“I’m fine” is the mantra I will repeat, rubbed red raw into my skin,

and for minutes, hours, days, it will even be true.

and then, inevitably, the wave will come crashing down and I will be lost at sea and I never know if this is truly who I am or just a washed out, faded version of the girl I’m meant to be.

Because, the reality is, you can tell your friends on a warm Sunday afternoon and they will look at you with love and kindness and a little sadness. You can tell your mother, and she will wonder if it’s something she did, or there’s anything to she can do, because her little girl wasn’t always like this.

But they can’t bring you back to shore.