when I’m not thinking about anything at all,
is when I think of you.
tied to my heartbeat, I can hear you thunk and thud in my chest.
Maybe you’re not the person you were,
when I first really looked at you, the first time I saw you like a dying man sees another sunrise and a wolf sees the moon.
In a different life,
maybe I wouldn’t notice you, slide my eyes over, silk over skin.
But I know if I heard your voice or held your hand
I would recognize you in the way I can understand poetry in a language I don’t speak,
maybe not with my eyes but with my soul and maybe that’s more important.
I wonder if there’s an expiration date on the sweet slicing I can feel inside my ribs,
if I’ll ever stop putting you in my prayers, somewhere towards the end but,
god knows the right order anyways.
I have a friend that believes that universe will give you what you are meant to have. Everything that happens, happens for a reason.
I don’t think that’s true.
I don’t believe in a universe that arbitrarily grants wishes or denies them based on what? Who decides if you deserve something?
I suppose the answer for many would be God, but the universe is a big place and God doesn’t seem like the micromanaging type. He probably has a hand in big events that change the tides of humanity, but I doubt he parcels out happiness and disappointment to every single sentient being.
It’s a far less kinder truth to acknowledge that you don’t always get what you deserve, I don’t think time and space and the ever expanding borders of everything that exists, are concerned with the concept of “fairness”.
One of John Green’s lines that have always stuck with me is, “the universe is not a wish granting factory”. It doesn’t owe us anything. We’ve become far too presumptuous, expecting things to work out and be okay just because we fall into a category vaguely defined as a “good person”.
“I’m a good person, why did this happen to me?”
Random, unfortunate things will happen and yeah, that really sucks, dude. But I don’t think we need to look for meaning and significance in every bad day, every job lost, every heartbreak. Sometimes, it isn’t our fault. But I truly believe that the universe is not the one that decides your fate, your future, your happiness. You do. You are the only person that owes yourself anything.