• hedonist

    Desire is my only law.  Under it’s rule, I want everything.  It’s only gluttony if you feel shame, only a sin if you’re sorry.  I eat small joys and soak myself in unrepentant pleasure,  open to my doors to a perpetual spring breeze,  slide hungry fingers against seams, breaking locks and god knows.  Have you […]

  • Q: Have you ever been in love? A: I don’t know

    I realize that’s a strange answer. Love is black and white, you are either in it or you are not. But love, at least of the romantic kind, has never been given to me wholly, without reservation. Each time, there was a footnote, a caveat, an unfortunate use of “however.”  The first time – I […]

  • Salsa, self esteem, and feeling stupid

    In 2016, I decided to pursue a life dedicated to being the fanfiction version of myself. Essentially, the most authentic, bravest, self-possessed version of Sydelle Leanne Barreto humanly possible. A large part of this involves doing things that make me want to stress vomit (in a good way). This has included: getting a tattoo, traveling […]

  • Dating Feels like Speaking Spanish

    I was pretty good at Spanish at school. I took AP Spanish my senior year of high school and got a 5 on the exam. When I traveled to Puerto Rico, Costa Rica, and Spain I used my skills with a decent amount of success. But after 4 years of college where the only time […]

  • In which I write about religion, again.

    I talk a lot about my issues with Catholicism but a friend recently asked me, “why do you still want to be Catholic?” Because despite all of my critiques, I still check the Catholic box when asked about my faith. It’s a fair question – why do I cling to an identity I don’t fully […]

  • Hot Girl Summer: An Analysis

    Thanks to Megan Thee Stallion, rapper, icon, and one of my personal heroes, Summer 2019 has officially been declared “hot girl summer.” “But Sydelle,” you ask, “what exactly is hot girl summer?” Excellent question. Let me first tell you what it isn’t. Having a hot girl summer isn’t restricted by gender, age, size, conventional attractiveness, race, class […]

  • What I want to be when I grow up

    My parents, but cooler. Priyanka Chopra: I would get to look like that, be a Bollywood star, and be married to a Jonas Brother which were all the life goals I had at age 12. Irene Adler – BBC Sherlock looks and attitude with book version brains and gumption. Enya: She lives in a castle by herself […]

  • something to believe in

    It’s the stone sunk in the belly. The moment the airplanes wheels touch the ground and you become a creature of mud and earth again.   Maybe its’ relief, maybe a lack of belief in what you can’t touch. You pen long letters to the feeling, hoping to find proof of your faith somewhere in […]

  • Tl;dr: Be kind, love isn’t scarce, and Adam Smith can suck it. 

    If you’re like me and spend a probably questionable chunk of your daylight hours on Twitter, you’ve probably seen those tweets floating around that all say some iteration of “Nobody owes you anything.” They don’t you owe their time, respect, conversation, support, etc. Some tweets go as far as including family and friends in this. […]

  • Do I need to be miserable to write?

    I haven’t been writing that much lately. Snatches of poetry here and there, half-finished pieces crowding the notes app on my phone. It’s not exactly writer’s block. It’s something else: happiness. I’m about to get real corny for a moment, so if you’re bitter/don’t like joy/are disgusted by sincerity, please skip to the next paragraph. […]