Author: Sydelle B.

  • Morning Walk

    Unless it’s raining, I’ve established the habit of going for a walk first thing in the morning. Sometimes alone, sometimes with a friend, always with an iced coffee. I call my mom, call my best friend, listen exclusively to songs that sway my mood one way or the other. If it’s a good day, I […]

  • Augur

    Sometimes I feel like I can taste impending doom   Muscle memory begins to recall curling around a soon to be bruised heart  The chest begins to dream that is tender and wounded  Pulse – elevated  Skin – borderline febrile  The teeth ache, the limbs buzz with misplaced energy  We take note of this with […]

  • Never a bride, currently a thornback

    I just turned 26 and am still single. In Victorian times, I would have officially made the transition from spinster to thornback. Quite frankly, thornback sounds like an incredibly dope dinosaur or maybe raptor. 90% of the time I am okay with my unpartnered status and lack of experience with long-term relationships. The other 10% […]

  • 25 Things I Learned Being 25

    Academic validation doesn’t replace other kinds of validation but it sure does get close. Don’t invite people you don’t know well to your birthday party. DO invite people you don’t know well to other parties. Adjusting to a job once you’ve had more significant professional experience is more difficult than adjusting to your first job […]

  • sad sack anthem

    When I was 18 and had my first great heartbreak, I listened to Stay With Me By Sam Smith on repeat for weeks.  And when I say on repeat I mean I listened to this song obsessively, to the point of insanity. This was back when I still used iTunes and it was the soundtrack […]

  • this is not a love letter

    I want to tell you that there is no shame in wanting to be seen there is no shame in wanting to be cast in the roles they don’t see for you, the characters you are too mean too sharp too fat to play I love that every day you wake up and create a […]

  • this is 25

    I usually call her at around 8 when I know she’ll have just gotten to work before either of us are mired in the tasks of the day because there is something about having your mother, 300 miles away, be the the first person you speak to in the morning I am starting to see […]

  • a list of things I am worried about – child of the internet edition

    I am concerned that I am boring. That every single aspect of my personality is just something I saw on the internet one time. Maybe I am too online to ever be really authentic. I am worried that I internalized 2012 tumblr too much and gave myself irreversible brain damage. I am afraid that I […]

  • Listening to Olivia Rodrigo as a 25 year old

    I really fought the Olivia Rodrigo craze because I have a complex about being unique and contrary and quite frankly, I re-read all the Percy Jackson books during quarantine so I don’t need another path to regressing back to my teen years. I finally decided to give it a real shot. And I’ve heard the […]

  • 24 things I learned being 24

    You should trust yourself when you feel like a friendship is toxic/performative/one-sided. It’s better to be alone than in a disingenuous relationship that makes you feel like you can’t be yourself. If a bartender tells you that one of their regulars is a bad dude, you should believe him. Dirty martinis are amazing and oysters […]