I don’t want to talk about what I’ve learned

Normally every year on my birthday, I do a recap post about what I’ve learned the previous year. I’ve learned a lot of things being 26. But honestly? I’m tired of reminiscing and last year was rather a mixed bag so instead I want to tell you about what it feels like to be 27.

Being 27 is wearing an apron and frying calamari at your own birthday party because you when it comes to hosting you become more like your own mother every year and catch yourself wondering if you should wash the baseboards before you have company. Speaking of mothers, you turn 27, the age your mother had you, on Mother’s Day and you wonder if you have mothering in you, if you’ll ever have it in you. You have exactly two gray hairs and secretly think to yourself that you could really pull off a gray streak (you probably can’t). You worry about your body, about how many vegetables you’re eating, global warming, your little sister, your best friend. Sometimes at night you lie awake and it feels like you can almost taste time hurtling forward. You are a teenage girl who likes staying in on Friday nights and sending long voice memos about her current crush. (You haven’t had a crush in a while so this feels particularly juicy). You no longer resent having ADHD, in fact maybe you resent the rest of the world a little for making neurodivergence feel like a burden. You want to get a PhD and somehow that doesn’t feel ridiculous. You have a Master’s degree! And a cool ass job advancing sex ed and trying to make the world a little easier and a little better for the next generation! You have imposter syndrome. The farmer’s market is a regular highlight of your week and you still stuttered and blushed when the hot farmer (I want to believe they’re a farmer so don’t ruin the fantasy) sold you onion straws (no you don’t really know what onion straws are). You cry every time you think about your parents getting older. You don’t bite your nails anymore and you started taking viola lessons again. You aren’t very good but you’re okay with this. You’re okay with not being good at things. You are in love with your friends and hope to convince them that we should live on a luxury commune in the future. You are still afraid of being alone and also the IRS. You think you understand how you feel about God a little bit more this year. The astrologers on tiktok keep telling you this will be your luckiest year yet and because you’re only 27 you still want to believe them.