I’m tired of people that leave a bad taste in my mouth and intimacy that goes out like a light.
I’m tired of performing a character who is a corner I have backed myself into. She is the role I have been training for all my life. I am impossible to look directly at and see clearly – an eclipsed identity.
I haven’t learned to bite a coin before I spend it. I am tired of trust like a bad check and the disappointment that lives next door and throws parties every night.
Here there is always laughter that lasts a beat too long, secrets that people shouldn’t bother to hide, a locked door that no one has bothered to knock on.
I want to go somewhere untangled and clean. With a single path and uncomplicated sleep. Where people know me and that isn’t a bad thing. where winter never comes and overthinking is a lost childhood blanket.
I want to see the stars from my bed and hold hands with someone for a week straight and never use Snapchat again. I want to be all of my selves at once and have it be okay because it is true and I am loved.