I realized that with turning 24, I have officially entered my mid 20s. And with that comes an influx of my peers who are falling in love, getting married, and getting pregnant (on purpose). Honestly? I don’t really have any fears about being “behind” or never finding someone. I do fear over-prioritizing the search.
Whenever me or one of my friends mention some dissatisfaction with being single the response is the same: but you’re so amazing/beautiful/talented/funny/ you’ll definitely find someone!
First of all: since when has a woman being amazing guaranteed her anything? Second of all: Weird of you to assume that my qualms with being unattached mean that I have an issue with self esteem. I’m a work in progress but honestly I am getting cooler by the *second*.
If I ever partner or don’t partner up – that’s completely at the whim of the universe and I may or may not have tried out one (or several) of the manifestation rituals I’ve seen on Tiktok. My fear is that I will be so stuck on the waiting that I will forget to construct an otherwise wonderful life.
Now I’m not knocking love: my parents have successfully married for 26 years and my grandparents for over 50. But romantic love isn’t really guaranteed, and you can’t build a life on a potential person.
The trope of the bitter, mean, spinster is based on the fact that she is upset at the fact that no one ever fell in love with her and she takes it out on the world. The fact that there’s no male equivalent to the word spinster aside, I wonder if the reason that spinsters developed this b*tchy reputation is because they were pissed at the way society viewed them. Women who don’t partner up and have kids are viewed as a failure even if they have other fulfilling relationships and a successful career. Maybe spinsters are just sick of the haters.
I don’t think spinster life is better than partnered life (or vice-versa) but I do think there’s value in imagining a dream life that doesn’t need to include a romantic partner. If you never meet the one, how are you going to ensure your happiness? Is it visiting every country in the world? Writing a book? Helping to build a stronger community? Organizing against social injustices? Running away to the forest to live in a cottage and bake bread and tend to your garden and chickens? That last one might just be me.
The next time your friend whines “I’ll be single forever” let her know that even if she is – she’ll be okay.