So here I am, just home from work, eating some zucchini fries and catching up on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (which by the way is a groundbreaking show please watch it), and it’s kind of a long story but essentially the main character says something about how she only knows how to be miserable.
Which got me thinking.
Things have been going pretty well in the Sydelle-verse as of late which means I have this constant feeling that I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’m waiting for my life to fall apart, I’m waiting for tragedy. I’m good at feeling numb, I’m good at feeling sad and anxious and worried and depressed but I am just not that good at being happy.
Happiness is really difficult, in case you didn’t know. And sometimes it seems like the entire way we live our lives is actually constructed to make finding bliss even more difficult. Not to mention I am currently in the age group that is supposed to have it rough. So when I find some joy, it feels unfamiliar, undeserved, that really pretty shirt I borrowed from my sister but just doesn’t look as good on me as it looks on her.
So what’s a gal to do?
Here’s how I’ve been trying to combat my feelings that I’m supposed to be miserable and the anxiety that stems from being happier than I think I deserve:
1. Self affirmations: this is cheesy af but it works!! When I finish my makeup I look at myself in the mirror and say encouraging things (but quietly because my roommates are still sleeping at this point).
2. When I feel like I’m something is about to go wrong I list all the good things in my life and remind myself that sadness is temporary.
3. Candles and fairy lights because what doesn’t that fix.
4. Ben and Jerry’s because it’s currently 2.99 at Star Market.
Diary of a mad brown girl 