The other day, I was thinking about the time I let you give me bangs. It was freshman year of high school, and we had our Algebra 1 final the next day. We were supposed to be studying, but somehow decided it would be a grand idea to let you give me bangs in your bathroom. To clarify, I let a 14 year old with absolutely no hairdressing experience give me what I look back upon as the worst haircut of my life. But 14 year old me trusted you fully and completely. I had unshakeable faith in you.
My relationship with Ellie is probably one of the healthiest and most important relationships in my life. We have gotten angry at each other, we have argued and fought and said some really mean things. We’ve given each other the silent treatment. But in the end, we always talked it out. We compromised, we apologized, we forgave. Because, to be quite honest, I don’t think either of us can imagine a life without the other.
We have survived high school, liking the same boy, moving to Boston, collegiate life, and now, we are about to hit another milestone. My best friend, Ellie Murphy, is getting married in January.
If you don’t know Ellie, this is who she is. She is fiercely loyal, she is brilliant, she is so so loving, and she has never and will never take any bullshit from the world. She takes care of people. She is unrelentingly generous. Ellie is unapologetic and feisty and she is not the same person she was at the age of 14, when we first met. She is so much more, and she is so much greater. Ellie taught me how to ask for what I want, and never accept anything less. She makes me want to be a better friend and a better person. Being friends with Ellie has made me braver.
Most of all, I am happy. Actually, I’m freaking thrilled. Because one of the people I love most in this godforsaken world has found someone who is worthy enough to entrust with her big, beautiful heart. She has found her (other) life partner (because I’m obviously the other one, duh). I’m over the moon and the stars and the entire Milky Way that you are happy.
But if I’m going to be honest, I’m also a little nervous, and if I’m going to be honest a little jealous. I am nervous because this is the first time our paths are diverging, and in some ways you are leaving me behind. You are getting married and graduating college, and I will still be stressing over homework and exams and whether or not that dumb boy will text me back. You are moving on to the next big thing and I am so excited for you, but I am nervous for us.
Marriage changes things. Our relationship has already changed over the past two years, and so far, we have managed to navigate this new and unfamiliar landscape but things will keep changing. I don’t know you will be in a year from now, but I also don’t know who I will be. But what I do know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, is that I love you. We have held each other together over the past 6 years and no matter what happens, we will continue to hold each other together for the next 60.
Things are going to change. But in some ways, we’re still going to be those 14 year old girls. Giggly and a little dumb, but inexorably, unconditionally believing in each other.
Ellie, I love you, and congratulations to you and Ali.