I was on vacation in a tiny cabin and we had been talking for hours and every so often I would get up and move because my phone would lose the wifi connection and I would lose you.
That’s the night you told me, flickering in and out,
“You will always be my dream girl”
And boy, I couldn’t stop smiling. It was the middle of night but it felt like sunrise already.
But later, in the quiet way that things hit you,
sucker punch you,
I realized: why did I have to be a dream?
I was right there, missing you. I could have been so much more than a dream. And that’s how I knew you didn’t love me,
It wasn’t the way you faded away, like a Polaroid in reverse,
you never fought for your dream and I knew in your heart you were a fighter.
You didn’t love me in the way that I needed, in the way I deserved, in the way I wrote about, in the way I dreamed. You flickered in and out, sometimes dropping the signal altogether.
But the thing is, I don’t mind so much. It’s not about being loved, it’s about the loving.